As seasons go, last year was a complete write off. I didn’t do a single Triathlon and withdrew from over 8 key events and didn’t manage a run over 10 minutes for 10 months. Pretty bleak eh...?
In terms of disappointment, I put it up there with maybe....Samuel Jacksons’ appearance in the Deep Blue Sea. You’ve got the genetically modified, extremely intelligent shark with the ability to swim backwards without drowning itself, an up-and-coming action star in Thomas Jane, eye candy in Saffron Burrows and one for the laydees, the self proclaimed “Ladies Love Cool James...John...Joseph...Jaali...Junk?” who plays the chef on the isolated research facility (which is based miles out at sea – for what reason?), he has a pet parakeet who ‘speak hood’ just like LL Cool Jaap – who incidentally, isn’t related to Ice Cube, Cuba Gooding Junior, Mr.T or ET.
Then, sandwiched in-between all this dross, you have Samuel Jackson. He’s a cool bloke, he’s had an afro, braids, worn a kilt and killed snakes on a mother fucking plane. Anyway, he played an adventurer and survived/endured everything mother nature had thrown at him, lava, snakes, velocoraptors, Quentin Tarrantino, LL Cool Jafar and the lead role in Shaft. During his energetic speech to rouse the troops (whilst standing on the edge of the SHARK POOL)...guess what...that’s right, fish food. What a disappointment. Switched the film off shorty’ after LL Cool Javelin was pissing me off hiding in an oven from a plastic shark. Fool.
Anyway, after promising much, it failed to deliver. Spectacularly. Just like my season. Bar the shark and LL Cool Jiggler.
Balls, probably should’ve included a spoiler somewhere?
*SPOILER*.
I did achieve something at the end of the season though, I won a Criterium in Cardiff after a ~275m solo sprint (Cavendish can only manage 175m) and placed 2nd and 3rd in the other two and gained enough points to move up to a Cat 3 racing license. For those who don’t know about how the racing license works, if I get Cat 2 this year, then I get to ride the Tour of France. SaxoBank are interested in mentoring me after Dirty Bertie fluffed some meat.
Skip forward to this year, I’m back running on the treadmill and an example of what I’m doing is 5x3mins @ 16.5kph. So the distance isn’t huge...or even significant, but it’s better than nowt and it’s all pain free. Swimming has progressed a huge amount, I’m at sub 5:50 for 400m and sub 23mins for 1,500m. Cycling is taking care of itself and my knee is behaving. Unlike LL Cool Jalapeno’s pet parakeet.
I've got three events this year that I’ve already entered; Paris-Roubaix Challenge – which WILL be a bastard, Cymmer Off-Road Triathlon (where I won the Welsh Championships – BOOM! dropped the WC bomb right there...) and the Brighton Big Dog – a 6hr MTB enduro in Brighton...dressed as a dog. LL Cool Jack Russel will be there.
I’m hoping on doing a few sprint Tri’s later in the year and aim to qualify for the GB Age-group team for next year’s Off-Road Triathlon World Championships in the Hague, Holland (providing my rehab/running stays on track). LL Cool Joints.
I’ll write up another entry on the Paris-Roubaix Challenge in a few weeks. LL Cool Journal.
Right, you can pretend to work again now.
Thanks for reading,
LL Balding John.
Parakeet Wanker...
